Stop Contacting People, Start Showing Results
We are always told that to have a good network, you must "keep in touch." This usually means sending a boring email every few months just to say hello, hoping they remember you. While you think you are being helpful, you are actually just creating clutter.
This "just checking in" method is exactly why people ignore you. When you reach out without a real reason, you stop seeming like a professional equal, and any chance at a lasting connection quietly disappears. The more you send these empty messages, the more they ignore you. This makes you feel desperate and like you are annoying them. You are not building a good relationship; you are teaching them to delete your messages right away.
To fix this, you need to worry less about how often you email and focus more on proof. Real connections are built on evidence of what you did, not just how often you say hi. It is time to change how you reach out: start showing them exactly how you used their advice or offering something useful for a problem they have right now. Here is how to stop interrupting and start being helpful.
The numbers make this urgent. According to LinkedIn, 70% of professionals were hired at a company where they had a connection. That connection had to come from somewhere. The follow-up is where it either forms or fades.
What Is a Lasting Professional Connection?
A lasting professional connection is a two-way relationship where both people exchange real value over time (not just contact details). It forms through purposeful follow-up after the first meeting: sharing useful resources, reporting progress on advice received, and offering help without expecting anything in return right away.
Most networking advice covers how to make a first impression. This post covers what happens next: the follow-up window between "nice to meet you" and "I trust you enough to refer you."
What You Need to Do
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01
Change Your Thinking Stop thinking about quick wins and start aiming for lasting teamwork. Don't see new contacts as only useful for now. Try to build a relationship where you both give and get value over many years.
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02
Change Your Actions Stop just sending nice follow-up messages and start bringing useful things to the table. Instead of just saying thanks and waiting for a reason to talk again, take the lead. Regularly share useful ideas or updates that keep you in their thoughts without asking them for anything.
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03
Change Your Method Stop trying to remember everything yourself and start using a clear plan. Relying on your memory to keep up a network will fail. Use a simple way to track contacts so that important people never become forgotten.
Checking Your Networking Habits
Check #1: The "Just Being Seen" Mistake
You often send emails saying "just checking in" or "hope you have a good week" to people you know because you're scared they will forget you if you stay quiet.
Being "seen" doesn't matter if you don't bring anything useful. When you contact someone without a specific point, you aren't building a relationship; you are just adding to the digital mess that they eventually learn to ignore.
Show Them Your Results
Instead of general greetings, send a short note explaining exactly how you used a specific suggestion they gave you. Showing that their advice led to a real positive result makes you a valuable connection instead of someone asking for a favor.
Check #2: Feeling Like a Salesperson
You feel nervous or awkward before sending an email because you feel like you are bothering them or trying to sell them something.
You feel like a salesperson because you are acting like one. By focusing on your need to "stay connected" instead of what they are currently dealing with, you are treating the relationship like a trade where you take more than you give.
Build a Bridge with Help
Think about a specific issue or interest they brought up last time and send them a helpful link, tool, or contact introduction. This changes the dynamic from you "asking" for their time to you "investing" in their success. The give-first rule in networking is one of the most reliable ways to build this kind of trust.
Check #3: Giving Up Too Soon
When someone doesn't reply, you assume they aren't interested anymore, so you start trying even harder with more messages that sound desperate.
Busy people don't ignore you because they are rude; they ignore you because your message seems like too much work to answer but doesn't offer them a clear benefit. If your email doesn't solve a problem or share good news, it gets buried forever.
Value That Requires No Effort
Send an update that is highly useful but requires no reply from them at all. Clearly stating "no need to reply, just thought this would help" removes the pressure and shows that you are a good contact to have because you add value without being demanding.
The Plan to Keep Momentum
Referred candidates are 4 to 5 times more likely to be hired than non-referred applicants, according to Exploding Topics (2024). The four steps below are what transform a polite first meeting into the kind of relationship where someone recommends you without being asked.
The First Thank You
When: The next day
Goal: Make sure they remember the meeting right away.
What to Do:
Send a short email or message mentioning one specific, unique thing you talked about.
Rule: Don't ask for anything. This is just to show you were paying attention and you respect their time.
Share Something Useful
When: After one week
Goal: Prove that you are someone who gives value, not just someone who takes it.
What to Do:
Send a follow-up resource (article, video, book) that relates to what you discussed.
Example: "I saw this article today and immediately thought of our talk about [Topic]. Thought you might find page 3 helpful!"
Report Your Progress
When: After one month
Goal: Show them that their advice or conversation actually helped you move forward.
What to Do:
Send an update on something you did based on their advice, recommendation, or introduction.
Example: "I finally used that project tool you suggested last month. It has already saved me three hours a week. Just wanted to say thanks again for the tip!"
The Three-Month Check-in
When: Every 90 Days
Goal: This is how you turn a one-time meeting into a real professional connection. When that trust builds and an opportunity opens up, knowing how to ask for a referral the right way makes all the difference.
What to Do:
Set a reminder on your calendar to check in every three months. This can be a simple touchpoint like sharing good news or asking about their current project.
Rule: Keep it brief. The point is to stay visible so that when an opportunity comes up, they think of you first.
How Our Tool Helps You Build Real Connections
Plan Your Chats
Networking HelperGet ideas for what to say and find shared interests to help you share something useful with them.
Track Your Success
Growth LogRecord your wins and what you learned to automatically create "Proof Reports" to share with people who advise you.
Manage Follow-Ups
Job TrackerSee a clear map of your contacts to know exactly when to send an update so you don't bother them at the wrong time.
Common Questions
What if I haven't made much progress on their advice yet?
You don't have to be completely done to send an update. Even a small action, like starting the book they suggested or sending a quick email to someone they mentioned, is enough. The goal is to show them you paid attention and took the first step, not that you've already won the whole game.
What if I don't have a helpful article or link to send them?
Value isn't always a link or a document. Sometimes the best thing you can offer is a specific "thank you." Instead of a general note, tell them exactly how a specific piece of advice changed your thinking. People like to know their time made a difference, and sharing that realization is a gift itself.
Is a progress update email better than a "just checking in" message?
It’s actually the other way around. A "just checking in" email is annoying because the busy person has to stop and figure out why you are emailing and what they should say back. A specific update about your progress is a gift—it’s easy to read, they don't have to work to reply, and it shows the relationship is moving forward.
How often should I follow up with a networking contact?
The cadence that works: reach out the next day with a specific thank-you, then once a week later with a helpful resource, then once a month with a progress update. After that, every 90 days is enough to stay visible without becoming a burden. Each touchpoint should offer something, not just remind them you exist.
How long does it take to build a lasting professional connection?
Most meaningful professional relationships take 6 to 12 months of consistent, value-driven follow-up before they become genuinely reciprocal. The timeline shortens when each interaction leaves the other person better off: a useful article, a warm introduction, or an update showing that their advice worked. People remember you when you make their investment in you feel worthwhile.
Go From Being Clutter to Being Important
The cycle of being ignored ends when you decide to stop sending emails that have no real point. When you rely on meaningless messages, you stop being a professional equal and just become background noise people tune out. Shift your focus to proving you made progress rather than sending messages on autopilot. That one change is what links your name to action and growth, not just another notification.
Take a moment now to look at your recent conversations and find one person who gave you advice you haven't followed up on. Send that first update based on what you have done. You can be a high-value person in any network. Go show them!
Show Them Now
