Interviewing with Confidence Mindset and Confidence

Remembering That You Are Interviewing Them, Too

Stop performing for approval and start evaluating the company. Learn how to spot red flags, ask the right questions, and treat every interview as a two-way evaluation.

Focus and Planning

Advanced Ways to Negotiate: Changing Who Holds the Power

  • 01
    The Equal-Chair Test Imagine you are a highly-paid expert looking at their business problems, not someone taking a test. This helps you check if they fit your career goals.
  • 02
    The Logic Stress-Test Ask one polite but tough question about a recent company mistake to see if the interviewer is open and honest or defensive and sticking to corporate lines.
  • 03
    The Tooling Audit Ask the interviewer to describe the exact software and steps they used to solve a real issue yesterday, to check if how they actually work matches how you prefer to work.
  • 04
    The Reverse Exit-Interview Ask why the person previously in this job left or where they got promoted to, treating their departure as important information about the role's future success.

The Tactical Check: Changing How You See the Interview

Your hands are sweaty on the table as you listen to the hiring manager talk. You are nodding when you should, but inside you are panicking, trying to find the "right" answer for a question about your worst quality.

You are so worried about getting them to like you that you miss a huge warning sign: the manager hasn't smiled at all, and they can't clearly explain what "success" means in this job. This is called not seeing clearly, a way your body copes when the interview turns into a test you must pass instead of a meeting where you might decide you don't want to stay.

Standard advice says to just "act like you don't need the job," but pretending you feel confident when you don't just makes you more tired. (If you want to build genuine confidence first, read our guide on why confidence matters as much as competence.) To avoid leaving one bad job just to join another, you must switch from being questioned to being the main person checking out a big business risk.

What Does "Interviewing Them Too" Mean?

"Interviewing them too" means treating every job interview as a two-way evaluation where you assess the company's culture, management style, and growth opportunities with the same rigor the employer uses to evaluate you. Instead of performing for approval, you gather evidence to make a smart career decision.

This matters more than most people think. According to a CareerBuilder survey, two-thirds of workers have accepted a job only to realize the company was a bad fit, and half of them quit within six months. Those early departures cost time, money, and momentum. Treating the interview as your own investigation is the most direct way to avoid that outcome.

The Science of Overriding the "Can't See Clearly" Mode

The Science Behind It

When you go into an interview feeling like you have everything to lose (whether you're running from a toxic boss or desperate to "win" the job), your brain makes a big mistake. It stops seeing the interview as a business talk and starts seeing it as a social danger.

The Survival Cycle

Deep in your brain is the amygdala, which acts like a tiny alarm. Its job is to spot danger. Research published in Nature Reviews Neuroscience (Roozendaal, McEwen & Chattarji, 2009) confirms that stress-triggered amygdala activity directly impairs the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for clear judgment. When the amygdala senses this threat, it starts a "fight-or-flight" reaction. For someone being interviewed, this shows up as not seeing clearly. Your brain focuses only on one thing: Get through this meeting by being liked. You focus too much on how you are performing, which makes you physically "blind" to what the person across from you is doing.

The "Boss" Turns Off

To save power for this supposed survival mission, your brain sends less blood to the prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain handles clear thinking and making smart choices. When it slows down, your ability to spot problems turns off. You stop listening to what the interviewer is saying and only pay attention to how they are reacting to you.

Why You Need a Tactical Reset

This is a natural reaction, not a personal failing. Adopting a growth mindset toward interviewing can help, but simple fixes often don't work. To check out the company properly, you need a Tactical Reset to get your clear-thinking brain working again. You need to convince your alarm system that you are equal to them, not in danger, so you don't sign a contract for a job you would have said no to otherwise.

"If you don't feel that you're getting specific and direct answers, that's a red flag. You might agree to a job that you would have rejected if your whole brain had been involved in the decision."

Susan Peppercorn, Executive Career Coach and Author

Smart Adjustments for Every Interview Style

If you are: Running Away
The Problem

You are so focused on getting away from your current bad job that you treat any offer like a "life raft" instead of a real career choice. You are not alone: Gallup (2023) found that 51% of U.S. employees are actively watching for or seeking a new job, the highest level since 2015.

The Smart Adjustment
Digital

Put a sticky note on your screen listing three things your current boss does that you will not work with again (like: "vague deadlines" or "emails late at night").

Mindset

Before you answer a question, ask yourself: "If I were happy at my current job, would I accept this interviewer's answer?"

Physical

When they say "fast-paced" or "other duties as needed," take a sip of water to force a five-second break so you can watch their body language.

The Result

You switch from quickly looking for an escape to carefully choosing your next move.

If you are: Trying to Win Everything
The Problem

You want to "win" the interview and get the offer so badly that you forget to check if the reward is actually good.

The Smart Adjustment
Mindset

Change the goal of the meeting from "Get them to like me" to "Find three things that suggest this job will be boring or annoying."

Digital

Open a document called "Job Check" and make a list rating how clear and on-time the interviewer was.

Physical

Every time you finish an answer, consciously relax your shoulders and lean back a little to break the "I must please them" tension.

The Result

You switch from being a "student taking a test" to a "hiring manager" deciding on a partner.

If you are: Feeling Lucky to be Here
The Problem

You feel like you don't deserve to be there, making you act like a suspect instead of someone in a business meeting.

The Smart Adjustment
Physical

Keep both feet flat on the floor and your hands visible on the table; this body position tells your brain you are stable and equal in the conversation. For more body-language techniques, see our post on visualization techniques for interview confidence.

Digital

Write "I am here to solve problems" at the top of your paper to remind yourself they called you because they have a need that only you can fill.

Mindset

Use the "Expert View": instead of thinking "Do I measure up?" think "Do they have the money and the right tools for me to succeed in this job?"

The Result

You switch from asking for permission to be there to checking the terms of a business deal.

The Expert Viewpoint

Reality Check

Most career coaches tell you to "just act like you don't need the money" or "pretend you are the best thing ever." This is the Saying Nice Things Advice, and it's not helpful. It tells you to dress up and pretend to be someone else. If you are stressed about paying bills or desperate to leave a boss who yells, "faking it" just adds more pressure. You might look either too pushy or too nervous because you're trying to keep up an act while your brain is trying to survive.

Taking Action is the opposite. It's not about how you act; it’s about what you find out.

Saying Nice Things Advice

This advice focuses on your body language and how you present yourself. It encourages hiding your stress while ignoring important information about the company culture you might have to work in.

Taking Action

This focuses on being like a detective: listening closely to the interviewer's tone, and asking clear questions like, "Why is this job open?" and "How does this team deal with mistakes?"

The Hard Truth

If you constantly feel the need to "reset" your thoughts during an interview because the manager is rude, unclear, or acts superior, don't just blame your nerves. You are learning important facts about a potentially bad workplace.

If the interview feels like an attack, leave. Stop trying to manage a bad situation; if the interviewer treats you badly, that will be the job. A smart exit means moving toward a healthy place, not just changing which cage you are in.

Common Questions & Objections

Will asking tough questions cost me the offer?

No. Good managers want to hire people who check things carefully.

When you ask about turnover rates or how the team handles mistakes, you show strategic thinking. If an interviewer gets upset by your curiosity, they have just shown you that they are hiding a bad work situation.

Can I evaluate a company if I need a job fast?

Yes. Financial pressure does not mean you should skip due diligence.

Taking a job at a poorly run company often leads to burnout or another job search within months. Spending ten minutes checking red flags during the interview is cheaper than restarting your search six months later.

What are the biggest interview red flags?

Watch for these warning signs: the interviewer cannot explain what success looks like in the role, the job description changed between the posting and the conversation, the manager avoids questions about turnover, or the interview is rescheduled more than twice.

Any one of these signals a deeper organizational problem worth investigating before you accept.

How do I evaluate company culture in an interview?

Ask specific questions: "How does this team handle a missed deadline?" or "What happened the last time someone disagreed with leadership?" Vague, rehearsed answers often point to a culture that punishes honesty.

Also pay attention to the interviewer's tone and body language. Defensiveness or discomfort when discussing problems tells you more than any careers page.

Why do I feel nervous interviewing the interviewer?

Your brain treats the interview as a social threat, which triggers the amygdala and reduces activity in the prefrontal cortex (your decision-making center). This "fight-or-flight" response makes you focus on pleasing the interviewer instead of evaluating them.

The fix is to prepare specific evaluation questions beforehand so your brain has a task to focus on rather than a threat to survive.

What questions should I ask the hiring manager?

Start with these four: "Why is this position open?", "What does a typical day look like?", "How does the team handle mistakes?", and "Where did the previous person in this role go?"

These questions reveal turnover patterns, management style, and whether the company invests in employee growth, all without sounding confrontational.

The Smart Way Forward

Changing your view from a nervous job applicant to a professional investigator makes sure you choose a place where you can really do well. Don't just ride along in your career; take charge of the process by looking into your future employer as carefully as they look into you.

Become an expert at mutual interviews.

Mastering the art of the interview where both sides check each other out is the main way to turn a desperate job hunt into a smart move for a better long-term career.

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