What You Should Remember
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Make Asking for Permission First the Rule Always check if both people are interested and have time before you formally connect them. This shows you respect their time and that the meeting is a real chance for both sides.
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Stop the Surprise Email Intro Don't send emails to three people at once without checking first. This forces people to deal with it immediately and makes you look bad, hurting your reputation over time.
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Don't Assume Interest Stop believing your guess about someone's availability is enough. You must actively check if they are ready to connect. This stops you from bothering people and makes your requests feel more important.
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Do the Work of Vetting Yourself Take full charge of explaining why the connection matters and checking if it's relevant before you even suggest it. When you do this hard work, you turn a possible time cost for others into a valuable, well-planned connection.
The Problem with Making Introductions
Many leaders see their contacts as a source of power, but they often share a quiet worry: being annoying. This "Worry About Interrupting" often leads to the "Assumption Trap," where a connector's pride makes them think their hunch is as good as checking if someone is actually free or interested.
When this pride takes over, you get the "Introduction Ambush." This is a lazy email sent to three people at once without checking first; it's not helpful, it’s a time cost for the person getting it. By forcing two strangers to interact immediately, the connector pushes the work of checking things out onto the people they want to impress. It’s like handing someone an administrative bill disguised as being nice.
To avoid damaging your reputation this way, the best networkers use the double opt-in introduction, a permission-first process also called the Consent-First Connection method. This approach replaces the surprise attack with a careful checking process that respects both people involved.
The guide below shows you exactly how to make this change and turn every introduction into something valuable for everyone.
What Is a Double Opt-In Introduction?
A double opt-in introduction is a two-step connection process where the person making the introduction separately asks both parties for permission before connecting them, ensuring the meeting is welcomed by everyone involved.
Unlike a surprise email that drops two strangers into the same thread, a double opt-in introduction treats both people's time as worth protecting. The connector asks person A if they're open to meeting person B, then asks person B separately. Only after both say yes does the actual introduction happen.
The term was popularized by venture capitalist Fred Wilson, who argued in a 2009 essay that connecting people without their prior consent is inconsiderate and quietly damages the connector's credibility over time. The practice has since become standard professional etiquette, particularly in startup and investor circles.
Improving Network Intros: Less Hassle, More Value
| The Common Mistake / Hassle | The Smart Move | The Result / What it Signals |
|---|---|---|
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The Surprise Intro
Forcing a three-way email that instantly creates a social obligation and wastes the recipients' time.
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Ask for Separate Approval First
Send simple, separate notes to both people, making it easy for them to say "no" without pressure, protecting their mental space.
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High Trust Signal: Shows you value their time and removes the awkward feeling of being cornered into a meeting. |
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The Assumption Trap
Trusting your gut feeling about when someone is available or interested, instead of actually checking.
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Make Them Write a Forwardable Summary
Require the person asking for the intro to write a short summary about themselves and why they want to meet.
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Easier Process: Reduces the time spent on unclear requests and makes sure the reason for meeting is clear from the start. |
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The Need to Look Important
Rushing an introduction just to seem "connected," rather than ensuring the match is actually good quality.
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Be a Careful Gatekeeper
Check carefully that both people genuinely need to meet and that the timing is right before you use your social connections.
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Builds Real Value: Makes you look like a respected peer who protects their network from junk requests, rather than someone who adds to the clutter. |
Your Step-by-Step Guide
Ask for the "Easy to Forward" Summary
The Reason: Putting the task of writing the context onto the person who wants the meeting makes sure the information is right and saves you administrative work.
What to Say/Write: "I'm happy to help; please send me a short email that you wrote, explaining who you are and exactly why you want to talk to [Name], so I can check if they are open to it."
Quick Tip: Ask them to send it as a brand new email with a clear subject line (like "Intro: [You] <> [Target]") so you can forward it with just one click.
Make the Permission Request Low Pressure
The Reason: If you give the busy person an easy way to say "no," you show you respect their schedule, which actually makes them more likely to say "yes."
What to Say/Write: "[Name], I have someone who needs [Specific Help/Idea], and I thought of you because of [Your Skill]. Would you be open to an intro, or is your schedule too tight for new chats right now?"
Quick Tip: Always start by offering the escape route (like "If you're swamped, no worries") to show you aren't forcing them into a social commitment.
Check for Value for Both Sides
The Reason: Checking that the connection is useful for everyone stops you from setting up meetings where only one person gains something, which avoids the "Assumption Trap."
What to Say/Write: "I'm asking because [Requester] needs help with [Topic], and I thought of you because of [Your Experience]—does this match up with anything you're working on this month?"
Quick Tip: If the busy person seems hesitant, suggest that the requester send a few specific questions via email first, instead of immediately setting up a full meeting.
Finish the Intro Clearly
The Reason: A good intro gives all the info upfront and then the connector steps out so people aren't stuck emailing the person who linked them.
What to Say/Write: "[Name A], meet [Name B] (info above); I’m removing myself from the reply chain to keep your inboxes clean—I’ll let you two find a time to chat."
Quick Tip: Clearly state who needs to take the next step (usually the requester) so there's no confusion about who should schedule the meeting.
Why Asking Permission Matters: The Psychology of Intros
Psychological Reactance Theory
The Idea: People naturally resist feeling like their freedom or control over their schedule is being taken away. Surprise introductions mess with this freedom, causing annoyance.
The Danger: An unannounced intro creates mental stress and a feeling that you've lost control over your calendar and social energy, often leading to a negative feeling toward the people involved.
The Right Way: Getting permission first respects this need for choice, making both parties more open to the meeting because they feel they chose to be there.
Managing Your Network Value and Mental Load
Research from HubSpot suggests 85% of jobs are filled through networking, and data from Apollo Technical shows only 39% of professionals have ever asked someone in their network for a formal introduction. The gap between those two numbers is where real opportunity sits. People who know how to make introductions well are genuinely rare.
The Idea: You are a filter, not just a forwarding service. When you ask for permission, you give the busy person a simple way to decline, which ironically makes them more likely to accept.
The Danger: If you don't ask first, the meeting feels like an obligation rather than a special chance, which lowers how much people value the connection.
The Right Way: Checking ahead shows you value the executive's time. The real connection only happens after both people have agreed it will be useful.
Putting It Into Practice
The Idea: When you ask permission, give a very quick summary of the benefit, and then immediately give them an easy "out."
The Danger: Not giving a clear reason why the meeting is valuable before you ask for permission feels like you are just demanding their attention.
The Right Way: The whole process moves from feeling like a chore to feeling like a pre-checked, high-value opportunity, which leads to better results.
Good listening during the pre-introduction phase matters too. When someone asks you for an intro, what they share about their goals tells you whether the connection will actually land. See our guide on active listening in networking conversations for the signals worth paying attention to.
Cruit Tools for Easier Career Steps
For Contacts
Networking ToolStop struggling with what to write. Draft perfect messages for double check introductions that focus on what both people gain.
For Proof
AI Summary CoachTurns your accomplishments into short, professional summaries that are great for sending to people who might introduce you.
For First Looks
LinkedIn Profile BuilderMakes sure that when people check your profile after an intro, they see a strong, clear picture of your value.
Common Questions About Asking Permission
How do I ask for an introduction without seeming pushy?
Use the "Forwardable Email" technique. Write a short note to your contact explaining who you are and exactly why you want to meet the target person, then ask your contact to forward it. All they have to do is click "Forward" to check if the other person agrees. This removes the awkward pressure of a direct ask and puts the decision in the target's hands.
Should I always ask permission before introducing two people?
Yes, whenever the other person is likely to be busy or the meeting requires effort to set up. Surprise introductions force both people into an awkward social obligation and push the vetting work onto them. Asking first means the meeting only happens when both people genuinely want it, which makes you look considerate rather than careless.
What if someone declines my permission request?
Respect it completely. Thank your contact for checking, and suggest revisiting the idea at a future date. Do not push back or ask for a reason. Since the double opt-in process is designed to protect people's time, honoring a "no" actually reinforces your reputation as someone who respects their network. For more on handling these situations gracefully, see our guide on how to decline a networking request.
How do I write a double opt-in introduction email?
Send two separate notes, not one email to three people at once. In each note, explain specifically why the meeting would benefit that person, state that you have not yet connected the two parties, and include an easy way to say no (for example: "If the timing's off, just let me know and we can try again later"). Once both say yes, send the actual introduction and remove yourself from the reply chain so neither party is stuck emailing through you.
Is it rude to introduce people without asking first?
In most professional contexts, yes. An unsolicited introduction creates an immediate social obligation for the recipient. Many senior professionals ignore or respond coldly to surprise intros, which reflects poorly on the connector. Asking first is now considered standard professional etiquette, especially when one of the parties is a hiring manager, executive, or investor.
How long should I wait after sending a permission request?
About 7 to 10 business days. If you hear nothing, follow up once with a short note: "No problem if now isn't the right time; I can revisit this later." Do not send multiple follow-ups. Silence usually means the timing is wrong, not that they never want to meet. One gentle follow-up is enough.
Start Using the Permission-First Connection
Choosing the Consent-First Connection means you stop forcing meetings and start managing valuable connections, making sure every introduction is based on real mutual respect, not just obligation.
When you prioritize permission, you protect the time of your network and lift your own status up to that of a smart, helpful leader who brings value, not extra tasks.
When you drop the "Surprise Intro" habit for a culture of consent, you finally get rid of the Worry About Annoying People that has limited your influence.
Sign up for Cruit today to make your double check introductions easy and turn your outreach into a real asset.Stop being the person who creates more work, and start being the helpful connection everyone wants to use.
