The Mistake of Being Too Polite When Asking for Help
Many people believe that being unclear when asking for professional help is a kind gesture. You might have heard that you should keep your requests wide, using phrases like "I want to pick your brain" or "tell me if you see anything that might work for me." This is done to avoid seeming demanding or too focused on a transaction. We do this because we want to seem easy to deal with, but this method is actually the quickest way to be ignored.
When you send a request that is too open, you aren't making things easy; you are giving that person a job to do. You are making them study your whole history, search their contacts, and try to figure out how to be useful to you. Most people are already overloaded with their own work. Even if they truly want to help, they don't have the mental space to solve your problem for you.
This results in "polite ghosting," where you don't get a reply, not because the person is rude, but because helping you felt like a burden.
The data backs this up. LinkedIn's analysis of professional messaging found that shorter messages — those under 400 characters — receive up to 22% higher response rates than longer ones. Brevity isn't just polite; it's what makes a reply possible.
To stop the silence, you need to look honestly at how you communicate. Instead of making your network do the hard work, you need to do 90% of the work before you even send the message. Changing your approach to ask for one small, five-minute action allows the person you contact to feel helpful with almost no effort. Here is how to break down your current outreach and change it to get an immediate "yes."
What Makes a Good Networking Ask?
A good networking ask is a message that names one specific, time-bounded action a contact can complete in five minutes or less. It removes all guesswork: the reader knows exactly what you want, why you chose them, and how little time it will take. Specificity is what turns a request from a burden into a quick favor to grant.
The problem isn't that people don't want to help you. It's that vague requests transfer the cognitive load onto them. When someone has to figure out what you need, how to help, and whether they're even the right person — most save the message for "later." Later never comes.
Main Points to Remember
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01
Think About Giving Value Stop seeing your request as something that burdens someone or a one-sided favor. Change how you think so that every conversation is a way to build a professional relationship where value can move in both directions later.
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Avoid Unclear Asks Stop using open-ended questions like "can I chat with you about things?" which just create extra work for the other person. Instead, ask for something specific and short that they can do in five minutes or less.
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Don't Wait Until It's Urgent Don't wait until you are desperate to contact your professional contacts. Keep a regular system for staying in touch so that asking for help feels like a normal part of an ongoing relationship.
Checking Your Networking Messages
Check #1: The Vague Polite Mistake
You send messages saying things like, "I would love to talk with you when you have time," or "Tell me how I can help you."
You think you are being nice and not demanding, but you are actually giving your contact research work to do. When a request doesn't have clear limits, the other person has to spend mental energy figuring out what you actually want, which usually means they save the message and never look at it again.
Ask One Clear Thing
Instead of asking for a general "chat," figure out one specific problem you have that this person is the best person to help with. Ask your question in a way that they can answer in three short sentences or less.
Check #2: Too Much Information
You write four paragraphs explaining your whole work history and what's going on in your life before you finally ask what you actually need at the very end.
Busy people quickly scan messages for the main request; if they have to scroll through a lot of text to find it, they will feel like it's too much work. Long stories create resistance and make a small favor feel like a big obligation.
Tell Them What You Need First
Put your request in the first couple of sentences so the person knows right away what you are asking. Keep any background information to three small points or less so the message is easy to read quickly.
Check #3: Asking for Too Much Work
The first thing you ask for after a long silence is a formal job recommendation, an introduction to a very important person, or an hour of their meeting time.
You are asking for a big favor from someone you haven't connected with recently. Most people want to help, but they guard their time and their reputation. A big request from someone they haven't talked to in a while feels like an intrusion.
Ask For a Tiny Favor
Break down your big request into a small action that takes less than five minutes. Ask for a quick opinion on one small thing or a suggestion for one person to follow online. This lets them feel helpful with almost no work for them.
The 14-Day Plan to Connect Better
A Clear Plan
This method gets rid of vague "favors" and replaces them with a clear plan that respects people's time and makes them want to help you.
Get Ready
Before you contact anyone, make sure your professional presentation is ready and you know who to contact.
- Know Your One Question: Decide on one specific thing you need help with (e.g., "How do I switch from selling things to managing products?"). Don't ask for "general advice."
- Update Your Online Profile: Spend 30 minutes making sure your LinkedIn headline and "About" section clearly show what you do now.
- Make a Small List: Pick five people who are currently doing the job you want. Contact those you've talked to in the last year first.
Give Value Before You Ask
Do not ask for help yet. Your goal is to become someone they remember.
- Share Something Useful: Find an article, podcast, or news story that is related to their specific area of work.
- A Quick Check-in: Send a short note: "Saw this and remembered the project you mentioned last year. Hope you are doing well!"
- Engage Publicly: Leave a smart comment on their social media posts that helps move the discussion forward.
If asking for help at all feels uncomfortable, read our guide on how to ask for help without feeling needy before moving to the next step.
The Small Request
Now you ask. Keep it under 100 words and focus on asking for a small, quick action.
- The 15-Minute Limit: Ask for a 15-minute video call or a quick email reply. Never ask for a general "chat" or a full hour.
- Explain Why Them: Briefly explain why you are asking them specifically (like mentioning a past talk or their career switch).
- Your Clear Question: Put your one question from the first step here.
- An Easy Out: End with: "I know you are busy, so if this isn't a good time, I completely understand."
Follow Up and Connect
Most people forget this step, which causes their network connections to go quiet.
- Say Thanks Right Away: Send a short thank-you note within two hours of your call or their response.
- Share What You Did: Two weeks later, send another note telling them exactly what you did based on their advice.
- Keep It Going: Set a reminder to check in with them in three months with an update, without asking for anything new.
For more on making your thank-you messages land well, see our guide on how to thank your network for their help.
How Cruit Makes Reaching Out Easier
Planning Your Contact Strategy
Networking ToolOrganize your contacts and use a helper tool to come up with specific conversation starters that clearly state what you need.
Checking Your Specific Needs
Job Analysis ToolFind out what skills you are missing so you can ask your contact for help with one small, clear task, instead of asking for big favors.
Making Your Professional Story Clear
LinkedIn Profile BuilderCreates a clear, professional summary for your profile, which allows your outreach messages to be very short and easy to scan.
Common Questions
What if I don't know exactly what I'm searching for yet?
You can still be specific even if you are exploring. Instead of asking for general help, ask for one piece of advice about a specific industry or a quick opinion on one goal you have. Asking a focused question about their past work is much easier for them to answer than asking them to figure out your entire next career move.
Won't being very specific make me sound too demanding or pushy?
It is actually the opposite. Being specific shows you respect the other person's time. When you give a clear task that takes five minutes, you take the pressure off them. Most people are happy to help when they know exactly what you need and that it won't take up their whole afternoon.
What should I do if I haven't talked to the person in a long time?
The same rules apply. Briefly mention that some time has passed, but don't spend too much time apologizing. Focus on why you are contacting them specifically and keep your request small. A clear, easy-to-answer message is the best way to start talking again without it feeling forced.
How long should a networking message be?
Aim for under 100 words, ideally under 75. Put your request in the first one or two sentences. LinkedIn's messaging data shows that shorter professional messages — under 400 characters — get up to 22% higher response rates. If your message takes more than 30 seconds to read, it is probably too long.
Is it OK to ask a LinkedIn connection you barely know for help?
Yes, but the ask has to be smaller and more specific than you would make to a close contact. With a weak tie, your request should require almost no judgment on their part — a question they can answer from personal experience in two sentences, or a suggestion for one resource to check out. Do not ask weak ties for introductions or recommendations until you have exchanged at least two or three positive messages first.
What should I do if my networking ask gets no reply?
Wait five to seven days, then send one short follow-up. Do not apologize or ask if they received your message. Add one new piece of value — share something useful you found, mention a relevant update, or restate your ask in a single sentence. If there is still no reply after the follow-up, let it go. Persistence beyond two messages can damage the relationship you were trying to build.
Stop Sending "Busy Work" and Start Getting Real Help
Don't let your messages sit ignored in someone's email box. When you send vague requests, you are sending a message that won't get a reply because it requires too much effort from someone else to figure it out.
Doing 90% of the work yourself makes your networking active again. You change from being a "task to finish" to a person with a clear goal. Make it simple for others to help you look good, and you will find that people are much more willing to open doors for you.
Check your messages now. Look at the last three messages you sent to your network. If you didn't include a specific, five-minute task, try rewriting them using this new way and watch how quickly the silence turns into an actual conversation.
Your network is ready to help you, so give them the clear instructions they need to say yes!
